


Fourth Drink Instinct

by KatieNoctem



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, F/M, Reader Insert, Tumblr Prompt, bad language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 13:39:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5745898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatieNoctem/pseuds/KatieNoctem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr prompt: Is there a reason you're naked in my bed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fourth Drink Instinct

Parties were good. They were _really_ good. And damn had you needed this one. The past few weeks had been a long hard slog trailing your target across some of the more remote and less hospitable parts of Durango. The combination of the oppressive heat and the cartels had not exactly made for the most fun of missions, and there wasn’t a great deal of fun stuff to do in the little down time you did get. Well, Wade had huge amounts of fun messing about with the local wildlife and trying authentic Mexican food (which wasn’t as good as the stuff back home, apparently), but it soon got dull for you. Plus there were mosquitoes, and you fucking _hated_ mosquitos. So as soon as you got home you organised a night out with your girls, your girls being a group of well-trained assassins who, as it turned out, could drink you under the table. Or maybe it was because you had been drinking a whole bunch of cocktails. Yep, you were definitely going to blame the cocktails. Damn things. Damn Wade. It was him who introduced you to them, but goddamnit they were so good. So so good.

 

So that probably explained why you were staggering home at… well the sun wasn’t up yet, so it was still night. That was good. Night was good. That meant you could sleep. You just needed to find your place. That was easy, right? You were a skilled assassin, you’d been tracking a cartel leader across Mexico for the past few weeks, you could find your damn apartment. Eventually you found it, you couldn’t make your keys work so you crawled in through the window instead, but you found your apartment so that was good. And for some reason none of the clothes you slept in were where you usually left them, but the bed was still there and right now that was all you wanted.

 

"Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”  
Groaning you cracked one eye open to see Wade standing over you. You very quickly shut it again, the sun was just too bright and blinding.  
“I mean, I have absolutely no problem with you being naked in my bed. As far as things to walk in on this morning this would have to be top of my list and I never even knew I wanted it there…”  
“Wade.”  
“… so really you topped my list without even trying. Which is pretty good. Did someone hire you? Are you sidelining as a stripper? Did I hire a stripper last night and totally forget? …Yeah, you’re right that would be stupid. I wouldn’t forget a stripper…. Wait… are you trying to seduce me? You’re totally trying to seduce me aren’t you?”  
“Wade…”  
“I should have known you couldn’t get enough of me in Mexico. Was it my gorgeous face? …Good point, maybe gorgeous wasn’t the right word… Amazing body? My all around winning personality?”  
“WADE. SHUT. UP.”  
You winced painfully, and took a deep breath, holding a hand to your pounding head gingerly.  
“Wade, what do you mean I’m naked in your bed?”  
He frowned. “Well, you’re naked. And you’re in my bed.”  
Very slowly you lifted the covers and looked down. “Fuck”. You groaned, tightly wrapping your arms around your chest. “This is not my apartment.”  
“No. Would you like pancakes? Or tacos?”  
“I’d like aspirin. Or for you to kill me.” You paused and looked up at him. “No, wait, just aspirin. And water.”  
You watched his retreating back as he headed out of the room, slowly sitting up and trying to scan it for something that resembled clothing. You found your underwear, but the rest of your clothes were hanging half way out of the window and did not look good. _Shit._ You could not leave this place in just underwear. You were still sat on the bed staring dejectedly at your discarded underwear when Wade came back.  
“So.... I only have the water. Also pancakes.”  He waved the plate about. “I was eating anyway.”  
Of course he didn’t have aspirin, why would he? It had been silly of you to ask really, you reflected as you stared at his hands, willing your own limbs to obey you and actually move. Wade had an insane healing factor, the guy could heal from having limbs blown off in hardly any time at all, why on earth would he even think he needed aspirin? Besides, from what little you’d read on his file before it was so rudely snatched out of your hands, it didn’t sound like painkillers would work on him anyway – his metabolism and regeneration rate was too fast. Finally your body actually responded to what you wanted it to do and you held out your hand, keeping one arm crossed across your chest. “Thanks.”  
There was a momentary lull while you sipped tentatively at the glass and Wade settled on the bed beside you munching pancakes, both of you staring silently at the small crumpled heap of clothes on the floor. Everything hurt, but at least you weren’t throwing up.  
“As far as seduction goes, this is going downhill fast... Shut up she was totally trying to seduce me, she’s naked in my bed…. No don’t be stupid, there’s no way it was a mistake, I mean I have you _seen_ this body?... Hey, I’m hot! And she was all over me in Mexico.”  
You groaned. This was one of the times you wished you had a better superpower, like turning invisible or something actually useful. Sure the manipulation thing was cool, but it wasn’t going to erase the heavy drinking or get you any aspirin. Nor was it going to actually make Wade shut up, you’d tried before, turns out it doesn’t work on crazy. And he was still babbling away to himself. “Wade. I can hear you.”  
He turned, surprised behind the mask. “Oh yeah….”  
“Can I steal some clothes?”  
His face fell a little and he gestured towards a beaten up set of drawers. “Help yourself.”

It wasn’t long after that you slowly padded into the small kitchen where Wade was still cooking pancakes. You’d stolen one of his tee shirts with the fewest amount of blood stains, and some boxers you were pretty sure were clean. It wasn’t amazing but it was better than being naked, for now at least.  
“Wade?”  
He turned and his face fell a little.  
“Hey, don’t give me that look.” You gave him the best smile you could manage while still hungover. “I just… I wondered if I could stay here for a bit?”  
“Sure. Pancakes?”  
You sidled up behind him, leaning up to tug up his mask so you could kiss him on the cheek. Wade flinched away, nearly flinging a pancake across the room and you sighed.  
“I really wish you wouldn’t do that. Stay still.” You grumbled, grabbing his shoulder and planting a kiss on his cheek over the mask. “Thank you. Still wish you wouldn’t do that though.”  
Wade shrugged. “When you have a face like mine it kinda becomes a reflex.”  
“I don’t mind your face.” He tensed a little next to you and you bumped him gently with your hip. “Hey, I’m not going to lie and say you’re going to be America’s Next Top Male Model, but I have no problems with your face. If I wanted to be around male models I’d be hitting on Captain America or something.”  
The pair of you fell into a comfortable quiet while he finished up the pancakes and piled them onto the plate, after a few minutes of thoughtful chewing he turned his head.  
“What do you want to do anyway?”  
“Bad movies and recovery?”  
Wade laughed. “Good idea.”

As the sun was setting you were still there, curled up on the couch resting against Wade’s chest. You hadn’t started curled up against him, but as the hours had gone on you’d found yourself getting closer and closer to him and he’d let you. His hand had somehow found its way under your (his) top to rest on your stomach, and it was comfortable. As much as he’d been all dirty remarks and bravado across Mexico, and pretty much every other time you’d been on a mission with him, or run into him along the way, but now he was so much more gentle and honest. Deep down he was a sweet guy really, just one with a really dirty edge.  
“I meant what I said, just so you know.” You murmured. “I like your face.”  
“Hmm?... No, we can’t have heard her right. Hey readers, did I hear her right? Did she just say she liked my face?”  
“Who are you even talking to?”  
“The fanfic readers, obviously.”  
“The… never mind. You heard me right.”  
For once he was silent and uncharacteristically still. You were so used to his almost constant babbling when he wasn’t trying to ‘unalive’ someone that this was way more unsettling. You weren’t great at this whole feelings thing either, so you went for the easy way out – deflection.  
“Yeah well, you grew on me. So… mind if I stay another night?”  
Wade nodded and this time he let you push his mask up past his lips as you went to kiss him.


End file.
